Get Control Over Food With The Regular Eating Method

dieting

When wanting to make changes to your eating habits, the best advice I can give is to start with “The Regular Eating Method.” This is the most significant change you can make when it comes to tackling the unhelpful eating habits you want to kick to the curb.

Over 30 years of research in the field of food psychology concludes that introducing patterns of regular eating will help diminish unwanted eating habits. To get started on “The Regular Eating Method” follow the guidelines below:

Plan Ahead

At the beginning of each day (or the night before) plan in advance when you are going to eat your meals and snacks. If you are working with me 1-to-1 we can use your monitoring worksheet.

At all points in the day you should be aware of when you are going to have your meals and snacks. There will be times where your day will be unpredictable. When this happens, plan ahead as far as you can.

Adopt The “No Choice” Phrase

No Choice, eat each of your planned meals and snacks and nothing in between.

Do your best not to skip any of your meals and snacks or add in extra nibbles when not planned. Try to break long periods of time into more manageable chunks of no longer than 3 to 4 hours. This will help with reducing unplanned eating or giving into those pesky cravings.

Make Your Plan Should Be More Flexible Than Rigid

It’s important that you adjust times of your meals and snacks to suit your day to day schedule. However, do try to establish as regular a pattern as possible.

Do Not Leave More Than 4 Hours Between Meals and Snacks

Long gaps between mealtimes create psychological and physiological pressure to eat that can eventually throw you right off track. Therefore, it would be wise to eat at regular intervals, with a 4-hour gap being the maximum.

 

Review

Now that we have the guidelines set, how can we monitor progress with implementation of The Regular Eating Method?

Each week ask yourself the following questions:

  • Each day, am I planning regular meals and snacks?
  • Am I trying to stick to the set plan?
  • Am I skipping any of the meals and snacks?
  • Are there gaps between my meals and snacks longer than 4 hours?
  • Am I eating between my meals and snacks?
  • Am I getting back on track when things don’t go to plan?
  • Am I adjusting the timing of my meals and snacks to accommodate events and circumstances?

Most people that start The Regular Eating Method will spend quite a few weeks following the guide and using the reflection questions before moving onto what to eat. This method will help you prepare for upcoming dietary changes, that will help  you think gain control over food. The added bonus? Your body will change, and you will be able to maintain the fit, healthy physique you are desperately wanting!

Since you may have had unwated eating habits for quite a while it is really important that you make the most of this opportunity to change, otherwise the problem is likely to persist. Making changes will be hard work but it will be worth it. The more you put in, the more you will get out.

This September, I have opened up 3 spots for the exclusive 1-to-1 coaching. If interested please send a message to inquire about reserving your spot.

 

The Weight Loss Solution That No Trainer Promotes…

A Weight-Loss Confession

This is the first time ever publicly telling my story; but Jill has helped me see the beautiful person I always dreamed of being. 48 years old, and for the first time in my life – I am happy with my body. I am happy with who I see in the mirror; but that wasn’t always the case – frankly, before I worked with Jill, I hated myself so much that I honestly wished I wasn’t alive. It pains me to write this and I actually deleted it 10x. But I wanted to tell the truth, because this might help someone who is reading this right now.

I didn’t know what value I had or why I was sticking around on this earth for. I was overweight – yet starving myself in the day – and binging at night. I would wake up with guilt every morning, shower as quick as I could because I hated touching my body with the wash cloth or catching a slight glimpse of my rolls in the mirror. I would put my make-up on in 2 minutes because I detested looking at myself. I would wear baggy clothes so that nothing would touch my body. I hated every minute I was awake. I kept thinking to myself, was this what life was all about?

I tried diet after diet, and nothing worked. I was a serial coach “hopper”, looking for the quick fix. I would be on a “diet” for 7 days, go on a “cheat” because it was allowed – then struggle all week to get back on track. I would be embarrassed so would just stop contacting my coaches, and would try to diet on my own. I would always resort to starving myself, thinking that was the answer. I felt like a complete failure  – and I couldn’t do another diet and fail. I was afraid of what I would do next.

Back in January, I had a coffee with my friend (way before COVID) and she said that I should reach out to Jill. I hesitated and had every excuse – but my friend said, if you have one last shot – I would bet on Jill. (No pressure haha). I thought, what have I got to lose. I gave Jill a call, and we had a great talk. I had a gut feeling that she was the right coach – and I put my trust in her.

Throughout our 20+ weeks together, I completely changed the way I have ever thought about myself. Did I mess up? HECK.. More than once! But that was the best part – I made mistakes and had the right coach to help me through it. I sabotaged myself, felt like quitting, but I stuck with Jill. The weekly calls were my savour. There were times that I didn’t want to book in – but I did anyway. Jill has taught me that food and training is more than just a “plan.” She helped me look at my old beliefs and what as keeping me stuck in my “rut.” Some of the things we implemented were:

  • Scheduled in “worry time”
  • No Choice – workouts / meals to adhere to during the week. (I had a minimum I had to hit each week – which helped, since I always felt that if I didn’t follow the plan I failed).
  • Structured social media time – I actually even went on my social media during a call – and we navigated how to use it to motivate me then compare! (This was a really insightful lesson).
  • Experimented with Negative + Positive Reinforcement – to see what worked better for me.
  • CBT worksheets / homework
  • Workouts – a variety of options depending on how I was feeling
  • Response cards – I started to write sentences down that were not “affirmations” (never believed them!) I wrote down realistic responses to my negative thoughts. Call these the “Mood Changers”
  • Read my Advantages list EVERY Morning! I had to – it was on my mirror – so it taught me to start spending more time in front of the mirror and not bash myself!

So I guess you are wondering how much weight I lost? How many inches were dropped? Sorry, but that is between Jill and I. This transformation was more than weight and inches – it saved my life. And I don’t want that to be taken away by a number on the scale. If you are struggling – then reach out to Jill and start working with her. But be warned – if you are NOT going to show up, and miss calls, then you are wasting your time. She is ALWAYS there, but expects you to do your part. I love this – because it put responsibility on me to do my part!

Thank You Jen for Sharing your experience, and being so open and honest. I have no doubt that your story will encourage others to try CBT methods for health and fitness transformations/ overall wellbeing. – Jill Bunny

If you are still reading – here is a little more information on CBT:

Research shows that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is effective for losing weight long-term, stopping binge eating episodes and recovering from eating disorders. CBT is a psychotherapeutic approach to treat eating disorders and involves different techniques. The different techniques allow you to comprehend the interaction between your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and plan strategies to change negative thoughts and behaviors to improve your mood and health.

Structure of CBT For Fitness

The Cognitive model acknowledges the importance of thoughts (cognitive) and actions (behavior) and how they have an important role in maintaining fitness self-sabotage.

1. Cognitive Factors

Consists of negative:

    • body image
    • self-evaluation
    • beliefs about self worth
    • overthinking your weight and body shape.

2. Behavioral Factors

Consists of behaviours to control weight such as:

    • restraint
    • restriction
    • purging
    • binge eating
    • body avoidance
    • body checking

The Different CBT Techniques I Use:

1. Cognitive Restructuring

You are encouraged to challenge your thinking processes of your self and your body and identify unhealthy behaviors and thoughts that are interfering with your fitness goals. Instead of unhealthy thoughts you will develop new healthy thoughts that will help you to change your perspective of yourself and your body.

2. Coping Strategies

Coping strategies are developed to manage negative emotions such as distractions and urges, but also to prevent negative thoughts in order to cope with overwhelming triggers and feelings.

3. Nutritional / Training Counselling

It is necessary with education to understand your:

  • nutritional needs
  • meal planning
  • monitoring of food choices
  • developing a workout plan that is sustainable

4. Maintenance

Focuses on the skills you will learn through 1-to-1 coaching sessions, so we can develop a long-term maintenance plan. This also includes improvement of self-confidence as you will become more comfortable with the skills you will learn and able to identify triggers to help prevent self-sabotage in the future.

5. Homework Assignments

It is common that CBT is time limited and goal oriented, and also includes tasks you have to complete outside of coaching sessions. CBT requires collaboration between the both of us (yes, I could be your coach!), and an active participation from you as my client.

 

Are You Ready to Try CBT-Fit Coaching? 

I have received specialized training, and can work disordered eating, body image issues as well as other mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression and trauma as it relates to your fitness goals.

Stop Spending Money on a Fitness Coach Until You…

Ok, I know the title is a little over the top but I needed to get your full attention.

Have I got it?

Great, let’s kick things off!

Listen, I know you have some hefty fitness goals.

I know you want the most rocking summer bod, that will turn heads. (Ok, at least the heads of your husband or that unsupportive friend who never thought you could lose the weight).

I know all this because I have worked with many women just like you, over the past 15 years.

A big dream, and you’re ready to make a life changing transformation. But it’s not happening.
You’re still not achieving the results you really want.
Something is sabotaging your efforts.

You feel like the skinny jeans and crop top tanks are against you!
Not enough weight has been dropped and you’re certainly not happy with the results thus far.
That makes you sad and frustrated.

Most days, you feel like you’re spinning your hamster wheel, not getting very far. I hear ya….it’s a BIG pain in the arse! So you think, “I will get some help!”

You may have thought to yourself:

“I’ll hire a fitness coach, someone who can really help me drop this weight once and for all.”

You google and come across some eye-catching websites, read some FB posts and see a ton of IG “before and after” photos – and you invest.

You invest and you’re ready for the big transformation. Then… week after week, nothing happens.
Crickets – Zero – Nada. Okay, Maybe a couple of inches and pounds are lost. But not what you wanted and certainly not what you had hoped for. You feel so down; as if there’s something seriously wrong with you. If others can get great results, why not you? Maybe you’ve even kicked yourself for falling for another magic plan once again.

If you’ve ever felt like this, you’re not alone!

And after hearing this from one too many women, I knew I had to write about it. You see, I’ve been in the training and coaching field for over 15 years.

I’ve worked my socks off to get experience, knowledge and qualifications and helping my clients get results and nothing pees me off more than seeing really great women like you get sucked into hype, magic pill syndrome.

Good Old Social Proof!

But here’s what I want I want you to know.

Fitness coaching is in crisis right now and I don’t want you to pay one more penny to a coach until you read the next bit (it won’t take long, pinky promise!)

As someone who works with women who want to level up their fitness day in day out, as someone who has worked with athletes, business executives, shift workers and front line staff, I know the power of a health and fitness coach (IT’S HUGE!) but right now, you need to know the top 3 reasons why fitness coaching might NOT be for you… just yet!

Now remember, this is just my take on it but judging from the many women I’ve spoken to and worked with …. This is a problem! But I’m also not a downer so I’m not just about to unload a whole lot of crap into your brain. I will also share how you can make coaching work for you!

1. Every Tom, Dick & Harry is a Fitness Coach

Yep, Tom, Dick and Harry have made an appearance and they are flipping everywhere!

The problem we see is that there are many excellent coaches out there doing their thing.

But, there are a ton of people who see fitness coaches doing really well and think ‘I’ll do that.’ Please know I am not knocking anybody… that is not my style.

But what I do have a problem with is people who are not qualified putting themselves in a position to guide others in their health journey. (This is NOT something to take lightly).

And that is not cool, especially when it comes to someone else’s health. As much as I hate to say this, yes there are unscrupulous people out there who use fake testimonials to bring you into their business and then boom, you’ve spent money on them. That is not right.

To make sure fitness coaching helps you achieve your goals, please do your due diligence and make sure your coach is excellent. It doesn’t have to be about tons of certifications but actually talk to the people featured in their testimonials.

Before you spend your hard earned money on someone, make sure it’s well directed.

I’m scrupulous about making sure women know why they’re hiring me. My strength is in helping women get clarity about what they could be doing to get fitter, helping them define the right nutrition and training protocol, how to implement, and then hold them accountable.

I love helping my women create the mind and body they have always dreamed of.

That’s what I do and if you need something different, then I’m not your coach and I am comfortable with that.

Beware the ‘fitness coach’ who says they can help you with whatever you need!

2. Beware the Snake Oil Charmers

Yes, obtaining a fit-toned body can be hard.

It can be a struggle especially when you’re not clear on how to actually do it. It can be a big pain when you have no plan of action and you are are literally watching weight slowly creep on month after month.

But when you’ve been spinning that wheel for too long and you’re about to give up, that’s when you want the knight in shining armour.

The magic pill. The special snake oil.

The “plan” that will make all your weight disappear. You invest. You do the work (or some of the work if you’re really honest). And you get some results but nothing major.

And you start to wonder if you’ll ever lose the weight.

Let me be the first to say… there is nothing wrong with you; it’s just that you’re looking for something that doesn’t exist.

The truth is there is no magic pill.

And if you’re still looking for it and you’re still investing in coaches to find it, you’re going to spend a whole lot of money and a lot of time still looking. For nothing. There is no magic pill.

What works is consistent action.

Let me qualify that….what works is consistent RIGHT actions.

Focusing on the right things at the right time.

That is the magic pill.

Build consistency in your fitness routine and watch your fitness results appear.

Yes, invest in the skills and knowledge so you are armed with what you need to make sure your results last long-term. The most important thing is you commit to your program and you stick with it!

What makes the difference is you showing up every

day and being consistent and persistent.

3. Hype Never Tells the Full Story

Did you know there is no such thing as overnight success? You probably already know that but yet, we still fall into the trap of thinking it!

I am really tired and fed up of hearing women talk about how they lost weight in matter of weeks. Do you know why I’m tired of hearing it? Because it just isn’t the truth.

Too many important details are hidden in the small print.

I recently did a podcast on how one of my clients reached her 100lbs weight loss goal! I was so keen to emphasize was how long it took her….how long it took to refine the nutrition plan, create a consistent workout routine, and of course how to re-set after a set back etc.

“So, how long did it take? 2.5 years! Now, we are on a one year maintenance-coaching phase. So that his 3.5 years of coaching! Not something that is a big sell to the fitness industry – but it is the truth.” 

Now I dont want to be a Debbie Downer. Yes we know weight loss and transformations can be done quicker but the reality is, it can take a substantial amount of time to instil the necessary habits.

Yes, there are many who seem to have dropped substantial weight in no time at all.

But this is when our comparison-monster rears her head and tells you there must be something wrong with you if you can’t get the same weight-loss results.

But here’s what you need to know….you have no idea as to what that person has done to achieve those results. You do not know their plan, how much weight they had to lose, if they took extra “supplements,” had cosmetic surgery, (or just used a photoshop app) etc.

I know, it’s crazy! Trust me, many of the women I work with fall into this trap. My best advice?

Create a safety word when you start indulging in the comparison monster!!

It is a great way to diffuse that horrible energy! (Mine might totally be Richard- stole it from my bestie hehe). 

It’s NOT Doom and Gloom. Coaching is Actually Amazing!

OK, so by now you know that I believe fitness coaching  is very worthwhile and a great investment for your health… (Heck this is my career).

Fitness coaching can be tremendously transformational and exciting. It helps you take the necessary leaps and bounds in your health and fitness transformation. It stretches you (not like Yoga), and pushes you out of your comfort zones so you start to believe in yourself.

As long as:

  • You don’t just hire any Tom, Dick or Harry
  • You’re not taken in by snake oil charmers
  • And your BS radar is part of your operating system so you can filter out the hype.

I hope this has been helpful…now go forth and be awesome in your fitness journey! You are making strides in optimizing your health and happiness and it’s so important to get the right support for yourself and your fitness goals.

If you’d like to connect with me, I’d love for you to join Team Bunny – if you are ready for a no BS approach to obtaining fitness results!

Lots of Love

Jill Bunny

 

What I Wish You Knew About Dieting…

There is misinformation everywhere

There’s always a new trend on the block. A new machine, a new exercise, a new pill, a new method. Look into them. Double check them. Reach out to the individual “testimonials” that are on those specific sales pages… oh wait… you can’t, because they are likely fake. (But Jill, it’s a screenshot from a Facebook post! Hate to tell you, but there are apps that create “real looking testimonials.“)

Everyone’s claiming to be experts. Everyone has some kind of certification & credential, but a lot of them don’t know what they’re talking about.

I get it though, both sides of it.

From the business side, that’s what you want to hit on, right? You want to strike at the vulnerabilities, the insecurities, and make promises that are either impossible, or possible but sacrificing something else.

From the woman that wants to lose weight, you take the other side … I want it. I’m desperate. You tell me you have a one month program that will lose me 20lbs and you have some certification and testimonies to back up the claim? I’ll throw money at you. I’m desperate.

If it’s too good to be true, it almost always is. Look deep into the facts. The scientific facts. They’re there, they‘re just not as loud as the diet pills and ab machines. Keep digging, they’re there. Trust them.

Trust the numbers, the body will follow.

The diet and training will be hard at times. There will be days where:

  • It’s tempting to binge.
  • You feel like an absolute train-wreck.
  • You feel like it’s just not worth the suffering.
  • Blaming genetics feels more true then all weight loss programs out there.

And that’s OK. Change isn’t going to be easy; but you will get there. As long as you work towards it every single day. As long as you don’t quit.

You will get there. I am here to help guide you – whether that is through blogs, secret emails, or 1-to-1 coaching. I will make sure that you do not fall into the diet trap EVER AGAIN!

What to do When You ReGain Weight

Frustrated When You Regain Weight?

It is infuriating to put on a dress and realize that you can’t zip it up properly. It’s disappointing when this happens, and you realize that you have regained all the weight you worked so hard to lose. You become full of rage and call yourself a hateful words such as “pig”. Please resist that urge. Many women gain back the weight they lost. Some women gain it back because they stop paying attention to their eating and exercising habits once the weight is gone. Others took part in an unattainable diet and did serious damage to their bodies.

If you want to lose the weight again and keep it off this time, you need to make it a point to lose weight in a healthy manner. You also need to seriously evaluate what worked and did not work when you lost the weight the first time.

Here is what to do if you regained the weight you worked so hard to lose.

1. Forgive Yourself

It is disappointing and frustrating to be back at square one, especially when you worked hard to lose weight. Glaring at the dress that doesn’t fit will not make the extra weight go away. If it did, losing weight would be a effortless. Cursing yourself will not make the weight go away either. All it will do is leave you feeling miserable or irritated. Neither is a good mindset for getting your motivation back. Frustrated with yourself though you may be, you have to forgive yourself if you want to lose the weight again. You have to accept that you made some mistakes, and now you need to re-lose the weight. Take a deep breath. You have proof that you can do this. You lost the weight once. You can lose it again.

2. Learn Why the Weight Came Back

You have gained your weight back. Why? Did you start ordering takeout every other night? Did you remember exactly how much you loved a few glasses of wine at night to unwind? Did you start justifying having that extra serving of cream and sugar in your morning coffee? Did you stop going to the gym? Did you lose weight specifically for an event and then stop paying attention to your habits when it was over?

Weight does not just appear. It creeps up slowly, and it has to come from somewhere. If you have gained weight back, you need to think about where that new weight came from. You cannot correct the problem until you recognize the problem. If you ate poorly, you need to make some healthier food swaps. If you stopped exercising, you need to start scheduling in your weekly workouts. If you went on a starvation diet, you need to understand how badly you damaged your body and metabolism.

3. Evaluate Your Old Methods

If you have regained the weight you worked so hard to lose, the odds are- you want to get rid of it again. In this case, you need to think about how you lost that weight the first time. Did the pounds seem to just melt effortlessly off your body, or was each ounce a struggle to shed? This will help you know what to expect as you work to re-lose the weight.

Think about what your mental state was like when you dieted last time. Did you feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day that you stuck to your plan? Did you adjust to your new routine, and after a brief drop, did your energy levels return to normal if not higher levels? This is what should happen when you lose weight in a healthy manner. You will be tired or have low energy for a short period as your body adjusts to burning more calories than you ingest. When you lose weight in a healthy manner, however, you are not running at a massive caloric deficiency. Running a caloric deficit of just two to three hundred calories is more than enough to lose weight at a reasonable rate – but it should not leave you feeling run down and sluggish after you adjust.

If you lost weight at a rate of more than two pounds a week or spent your whole time dieting feeling light headed and tired, you need to change how you lose weight. Losing too much weight too quickly will send your body into starvation mode and can irreversibly damage your metabolism. This makes it almost impossible to keep your weight from creeping back up. This is a common problem with fad diets or diets that promise to help you lose ten pounds in a week by drinking special “shakes” or ingesting “herbal pills.”Losing a large amount of weight quickly makes the body believe that it is in a state of famine, and your body is starving. As such, your metabolism plummets as your body does everything possible to stretch the meager fuel it has to survive the famine. Your body is an incredible machine meant to keep you alive in the harshest conditions.

As well as looking at your eating habits, you need to think about your exercise habits. While working out every day for an hour will definitely help you lose weight, it is unlikely you want to spend that much time in the gym for the rest of your life. Start a workout routine you can keep up with even after you have lost the weight. Working out three to four days a week for thirty minutes is reasonable for most women.

4. Make a Plan

Once you know what went wrong and what to avoid, make a plan for losing this last round of weight. Think about what you can reasonably handle in your life, and choose a reasonable timeframe. Do not expect to be able to stick hard and fast to your plan every day. Build in some time for backsliding and for extenuating circumstances. If you have a crazy week at work, you may not get to the gym as often. If your friend’s birthday is coming up, expect to join the rest of the party in eating cake and drinking beer. Make sure your plan is a healthy plan as well. It can be tempting to lose weight quickly and then try to “fix” your metabolism later. This is not how the body works. You need to accept slower weight loss, and keep your body healthy. Eat good, natural meals instead of heavily processed foods.

5. Prepare for Lifestyle Changes

If you want to keep the weight off once you lose it, you will likely need to make some lifestyle changes. These could be cooking more often instead of living off take-out, or getting up an hour earlier so you can get in a workout before work. Make whatever changes you need to in order to continue living a healthy lifestyle even after the weight is gone. Do not wait to make changes until after you lose the weight. While you are trying to make the lifestyle changes necessary to keep the weight off, it will start creeping back up on you, and soon, you will be right back where you started.

Gaining weight back is frustrating, but there is no reason you cannot lose it again. Make it a point to lose weight in a healthy manner, and make some lifestyle changes. Work your plan, and treat your body right. Do that, and you should fit back in that dress in no time.

5 Thing I Never Say To My Depressed Clients

Depression is a common illness worldwide, with more than 264 million people affected (Quoted from the World Health Organization). Coaches often assume that a comment that might make them feel better on a bad day will do the same for someone who’s depressed. That’s just not the case. Depression is more than the blues. Here are a few statements I refrain from saying to the clients I work with that suffer from depression:

1. I Know Exactly How You Feel.

2. You Need to Exercise.

3. It’s All In Your Head.

4. Just Think Positive.

5. Do You Know How Lucky You Are?

 

“Learn how to make changes in your thinking so that you can make permanent changes in your eating.”

If you are feeling depressed and would like to have a compassionate coach support you, check out the CBT-FIT 1:1 Coaching Program. Emergency slots have opened up for COVID-19.

 

CBT-Fitness Virtual Group Coaching? Is This For You?

Virtual CBT-Fitness Health Coaching for corporations is a powerful tool in assisting employees with anxiety and depression. The support and feedback of group coaching can lessen symptoms of overwhelm/worry, improve functionality and will help make employees’ return to work possible when the quarantine band is lifted.

The virtual group CBT-Fitness coaching is the solution to companies having to suddenly shift to having to work from home. The program provides group sessions focused on feelings of anxiety and depression through secure video conference technology. It is a blend of psychotherapy (CBT skills), mindfulness, nutrition and fitness education. The goal of the coaching calls is to enhance resiliency and navigate COVID-19 challenges and improve functionality and balance while working at home.

Our CBT-Fitness Corporate Group Coaching Program has many benefits, including: 

  • Helping to ease social isolation and provide practice for interacting with others.
  • Helping employees realize they are not alone in their struggles.
  • Providing an opportunity to practice CBT-Fitness skills and receive feedback in a safe environment.
  • Providing an opportunity for employees to talk about their challenges and receive perspective from fellow coworkers.

What are companies saying about the program?

“Although we were hesitant to opt in for a wellness package at such an uncertain time; my partners agreed that the health and wellness of our staff’s mental and physical state was of utmost importance. Transitioning to working at home, is not easy – and then add a pandemic into the mix. Jill has been our go to over the past month – and has kept our staff’s mood optimistic and hopeful. We feel even closer as a company than ever before.” 

“Jill has worked with one of our employees for many years, and was kind enough to offer her CBT-Fit Course as a way to help ease the burden of mental stress during the COVID-19 pandemic. After starting the course myself for the first time, I knew that I wanted to do more for the employees who needed a more hands on approach. For the past 2 weeks, Jill has been conducting coaching calls for our employees. Since starting the calls, I have noticed more “smiles” and an increase in productivity. We will be continuing these calls for the next three months with Jill, so that we can transition back to work with the essential support and guidance that is needed.”

I would love to see how CBT-Fitness Skills can help your company thrive. If you are interested in learning more, please contact me and I will help choose the right virtual group CBT-Fitness program for your company.

Kind Regards,

Jill Bunny

It Doesn’t Have To Be Personal!

We may react by overanalyzing, ruminating, and even getting depressed and anxious over interactions with other people. For some of us, a simple conversation gone wrong can make us feel sick, disrupt our sleep, and send us into an all out binge with the snack cupboard.

So how can we stop doing this to ourselves? How can we reduce the feelings of heightened sensitivity so that we don’t suffer and sabotage our own health?

For starters, take back your POWER!

When I was learning CBT, (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) one of the wisest things my mentor asked me was, “Why are you giving your power away?” This was usually in response to allowing myself to get upset by what others might say. The more you allow someone to upset you, the more power you give to them.

As children we have very little power. We are dependent upon our carers. If you were in a situation as a child where an adult in your life abused their power, you may still believe that you are helpless even as an adult. As difficult as it may be to believe, time does alter this equation. You do have control and power as an adult. You don’t have to put up with a bad situation, and you don’t have to give away your power to anyone.

Limit interactions with toxic people.

Toxic people are skilled at making things personal. You may take what they say to heart because essentially, that was what they intended to do. These are the people in your life who drain you of emotional energy.

After an encounter with a toxic person you may feel nervous, angry, devalued, or depressed. One solution may be to cut off contact completely. If that is not possible, then try limiting your interaction with the person. You should never have to forfeit your mental health for anyone… yes ANYONE!

Ask for clarification.

Instead of ruminating and picking apart conversations to try to understand what someone meant, ask the person directly for clarification. (Go to the source!). It is important that you ask this question in a non-defensive way in order to reduce unnecessary confrontation. It is not guaranteed that you will get a straight answer back, but you will have opened the door for honest communication. This is almost always better than allowing things to fester and stew in your own head.

(Somethings that I ask myself before asking for clarification:

  • Is this person going to realistically be in my life in the next 5 years?
  • Do I even want them to be? If not – you may have got all the clarification you needed –  without needing to waste time ruminating or conversing.)

Understand Your Hot Points.

Everyone is sensitive to certain topics or issues. Some sensitive areas may be weight, making mistakes, or any perceived faults. You may also be sensitive to anything you were ever bullied for in the past. Be aware of these “hot spots” and how you may tend to overreact when they come up in conversation. The key is to not allow yourself to get sucked into feeling your old wounds.

Understand that you don’t have any control over what people say.

You may have had the desire at some point of wishing to control what others say. You can’t. People will think things. They will say things you don’t like. Other people may be mean. You can’t stop that. But you can control how you react and respond.

  • You can choose to be assertive.
  • You can choose to limit your interactions with this person.
  • You can choose to not give this person your power by allowing them to upset you.
  • Focus on what you can do instead of what the other person is doing or saying.

Realize that some people say stupid things.

When most people talk, they aren’t thinking about you or anyone else. There are many people who say hurtful things because they don’t know how to express themselves and they are oblivious to their audience. This is no excuse for rude behavior, but at least you know in some instances it is not about you. What people say is always more about themselves than anyone else.

Focus on the positive people in your life.

You only have so much time and energy in a single day. Why give your precious energy to people who make your life miserable? Stop trying to “work” at bad relationships or fix negative interactions. Just let them go. It is not your job to make everyone nice/happy. Move on to focusing on the people who do matter most in your life. These are people who are mostly likely being neglected because you are too busy fussing over jerks.

When some interaction distracts you from functioning, ask yourself these questions.

  1. Is this interaction important in the larger scheme of things?
  2. Do I need to seek clarification?
  3. What do I have to gain by responding or letting it go? Is this the best use of my time and energy?

Being sensitive in a seemingly insensitive world can feel like you are always getting hurt. But you don’t have to suffer. There are things you can do to be less vulnerable. Although I have listed a few strategies on how to cope with being highly sensitive, I am sure you all have other ideas.