Depression is a common illness worldwide, with more than 264 million people affected (Quoted from the World Health Organization). Coaches often assume that a comment that might make them feel better on a bad day will do the same for someone who’s depressed. That’s just not the case. Depression is more than the blues. Here are a few statements I refrain from saying to the clients I work with that suffer from depression:
1. I Know Exactly How You Feel.
This is a very common phrase used to comfort someone going through a rough time, but is likely the last thing that a depressed person wants to hear. Once those words are uttered the recipient is probably thinking, “How could you possibly know what I am experiencing right now?” And they are right… you can’t possibly know. Instead you may want to say, “I’m sorry you are having a hard time right now. If you want to talk about it more, I’m here to listen.”
2. You Need to Exercise.
While it’s true that exercise boosts mood, it isn’t a magic cure for depression. Yes, I am a fitness coach, and will NEVER tell a depressed client they MUST exercise. Think of it this way, if it were really that easy, everyone would be exercising and antidepressants wouldn’t be one of the leading medications prescribed. If lack of exercise truly is believed to be the solution then perhaps invite the person on a walk – but don’t tell them exercise is what they need.
3. It’s All In Your Head.
While listening to a depressed person express their concerns, it may seem like they’ve got it all wrong and are reading into things, making them feel worse than they should. This is something a person with depression may not be able to see or accept. The fact is, mental illness is influencing their thoughts and feelings and they can’t just ‘snap out of it’. In fact, this phrase only leaves them feeling misunderstood and unable to confide in you.
4. Just Think Positive.
This one can sound especially callous. We often don’t realize when we are simply regurgitating typical “positive” phrases when we’re attempting to relate to someone. Positive thinking may help when you’re simply feeling “off” or if there’s a tendency to think of things in negative terms, but this kind of advice can’t make a depressed person take flight.
5. Do You Know How Lucky You Are?
Chances are most of us could be a lot worse off, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling held back, inadequate, lonely, physically ill, scared, or any number of other emotions. Thinking about how much worse it could be may only encourage negative emotions and anxieties. Not to mention, this phrase may come across as preachy and out of touch with reality, especially to someone experiencing depression.
“Learn how to make changes in your thinking so that you can make permanent changes in your eating.”
If you are feeling depressed and would like to have a compassionate coach support you, check out the CBT-FIT 1:1 Coaching Program. Emergency slots have opened up for COVID-19.
